Why am I unhappy?

Your Good Work And Rewards

2009-10-10T08:23:00.002+05:30

In general we always strive to do good work, which will benefit to us or our surroundings in some way or other. That is always regarded as commendable at times. We tend to favor a lot of people around us in the hour of their need. All is well. But the problem starts when we expect something in return from them.

You do a lot favor to others and at times considering the time and support offered by you might be very crucial to them. Still you observe very little or no positive response from those people. Sometimes not even a mere "Thanks" is returned. Then it hurts. The question is .. Why?? Why do we feel sorry and sad for the cold response to our offered help?

Because at some point in time, while offering a helping hand, we introduce a greedy fellow inside us. This greedy person inside us constantly believes that the work being done would fetch us same or similar favor from the current recipients. But in real world its seldom that you receive rewarding treatment. Now when you see no favor or even worse reverse then you have very hard time in front of you. At least some precious hours, if not days, are going to be very be bad. You and your near-dear curse the hour when you supported them.

This happens to us repeatedly. If you are a person who never fixes the things in return in advance i.e. trading of good work, you face the fate regularly. ( Trading of good work is very much in the circles and its growing. People do the things and take the returns in some way or other and they do it professionally.) But for you, an ethnic follower, a religious fellow, a person with values, its the duty lend support to the needy at the hour of need.

If you are a trader kind of guy then you have to do hard bargaining next time. But if you are a person of other genre you have to adjust yourself. The basic problem is within you. You will have to contain the greedy person in you. The problem is bound to haunt you as soon as you do any work expecting the good returns. You have to lend your support to others, good or bad depends on you, without expecting anything in return.

I can assure you that your deed, good or bad, pay you dearly in some way or other. May be you have raised the children of others, the return may be like some strange people helping your dear ones at times. You can't choose the favor for sure but you'll get the return for sure. The amount of receipt always depends upon your intensity of your good work and selflessness in doing work.

Its Google again

2009-10-07T19:23:00.001+05:30

When there is something cheerful and free there must be Google in the background.. Side-wiki one of its latest pleasant gifts..

Happy Bloggering!

in reference to:

"New!"
- Google Sidewiki (view on Google Sidewiki)

Should I be unhappy?

2008-12-21T15:22:00.000+05:30

Why am I unhappy? In the previous post I wasn’t able to trace a single instance of happiness in the past. By and large every time I have expected it in the near future and I am this far by now. What is the reason which makes me assume that happiness is always in future? I, however, can’t ignore the experiences of the people who are senior i.e. already through with my stage, always look back to trace the glimpses of happiness in their past. That means I too will be unhappy in the future.
One conclusion comes here is that; happiness was neither there in the past nor would it be in the future, which means it is an illusion. Thus happiness is something unrealistic thing which can’t be achieved.
Another school of thought says that happiness can only be felt in fantasies. Fantasy theory can have a lot in its favor. I think everyone must have some, if not much, attachment with fantasy. I do have. Had fantasies been realistic even a few bit, I would have done plenty of crimes as well as number of heroics. But since fantasies are unrealistic we only fantasize the thing which we like. I would have become a Sachin Tendulkar on one hand and an Imran Hashmi (you are free to go beyond, as the topic is fantasy) on the other. I think these are two of the extremes of fantasy for me. But as soon as we return to the reality we are filled with anguish, dissatisfaction, unfortunate, guilt or gloom. Thus another animated form of unhappiness. So unhappiness is anyways is unhappiness.
So should I assume that there is nothing which can really be called Happiness? No. Yes! No, because in all this discussion I think I have completely missed something is called Present. Didn’t I? In the blind search of happiness I have missed a possible source or may be the only source of happiness and that is Present, the moment in which I am right now. Irony of the situation I am at that stage of life which is certainly and in fact the golden span of life. I am so fortunate that I am so healthy and completely blessed with everything. My body is completely backing me with power, energy, wit and health, which may not be the case in the years to come. I am in the prime right now and will always wish for these days in late years as people do. Why people wish to have young age when in their late years? Because the body, which is going to company throughout our life gives full support only in this age. Later on it will ask for care and cure.
Now ball is in my court again. There is no reason to live in past or volunteer in living future. In both cases I am loosing Present, which is certainly capable of delivering goods. Why shouldn’t I cherish every moment I live. All the unhappiness that comes in my way is because I take it that way, in other words negatively. Another reason is my leaning towards materialistic stuff, which makes me more and more desirous and thus unhappy. Being ambitious should be a problem but building a big palace of fantasies around those ambitions is certainly a big problem. Due to which we face a lot of mental discomfort. Ultimately at the end of discussion I can say that I am solely responsible for all unhappiness.
I am the source of all unhappiness, it is as good as saying, I am the source of all happiness. A half full glass of water can also be said to be a half empty one. Reality is simple and well known but the way we interpret it has made big difference, half full is optimistic one and half empty is pessimistic one. If I take the things optimistically and with least possible self interest, I think the amount of happiness will increase.
That is it for now.. Thanks and all regards to your comments..

Why am I unhappy?

2008-12-12T23:22:00.005+05:30

A noticeable gap between two postings makes me liable to seek apology. So I am feeling a sense of apology and hope you sense it while reading, though all such sense of mine is total nonsense. The fact is I am a bit bothered by a silly question. Questioned by me and to be answered by me only. And that is:
Why am I unhappy?
Had I asked this question to you I’d have got many practical answers. But I won’t ask. Let me see how realistic study did I do till now.
As it happens one question can not necessarily be answered by an answer, it may get a question to be answered in reply. So here are questions for the question:
When was I happy in the past?
Or
What is happiness if I were to compare it with in future?
Now let me drill down these typical question type answers of the original problem. First I’d go in the past ( I mean look in the past ….. wish going the past might be possible ) to recapture some moments of happiness, then will wish for so called happiness in future(since going in future isn’t possible too.. yet ).
When was I happy?...... I am stuck as if I didn’t have a single moment. Still thinking….. not really. Actually I am looking not back one month, two month, a year or two but way back around 25 years when I’d have been a one and a half year old baby. You must be wondering why didn’t I go to full length i.e. from the day I got birth? Because I have no clue or even an Idea of whether I was happy or unhappy or whatever and by the experience of life I can safely say that no one will tell me that I was an unhappy child at that lapsed duration. So I do not consider those to be my happy days at all. Had those been my happy days, I would have memorized those, as people say they cherish the happy moments for life, I would have also done so. The first day I was happy, if I recall, was when I was bathing in a bucket( yes not bath tub ) along with my cousin who was on another bucket in the careful custody of my elder brother and cousin sister. But then, my brother pulled me out of that and wrapped me in a towel forcefully, I started crying and got unhappy. Then I waited for few years to grow to become independent and went to a pond to bath. Irony, there I sank and my brother pulled me out. No doubt I was crying and unhappy. Now, however, I can swim but that does not make me happy even though I do not fear of sinking anymore.
At the time when 25 paisa were enough to get 5 toffees, I got a chance to have a regular source of collecting paisa. One of my friend told me that people drop money at temples so that little kids can have toffees while at school. I got happy and looted the temple. I got a rupee and 25 paisa by collecting coins of 5/10/25 paisa. Won’t use ‘Irony’ word but got caught red handed on the first day at job. Got punished by slapping with ‘Bichchoo’ grass on body. Uooooh…. How could I be happy? Then started the burden of studies and ‘behave yourself’ kind of time. I don’t think anybody would have enjoyed those study related topics at home or at school. But can’t ignore those light moments in between during schooling. Actually I don’t want to give those days weight, since I get a little bit biased about those days by thinking those were the golden days. But I know by and large I wasn’t happy at all. I passed metric with good numbers but on the first day in senior secondary class my classmate torn down my umbrella (new). Happiness got aloof.
First day at job was good. After one week, every week came to make me weak and finally weep at times. Here I strongly feel you yourself avoid saying I would have been happy.
Many similar moments came and went past, but none without ifs and buts.
At this particular moment too, while I thought I’d feel happy writing this stuff, these #*^&$% mosquitoes making me clap behind them regularly.
Now if I try to look in future, blindly assuming that I did not have a single bite of happiness, I see a colorful picture of happiness. Wait.. Wait.. Wait.
This dirty bi**h happiness had cheated me like a pond of water in dull deserts, many times in the past. This colorful picture is actually a colorless, monotonous and unhappy present………….
Nope… you gotta wait…..
Here comes Universal Truth of Happiness in next posting………..

Sports cursed by Indian Politics

2008-09-03T23:50:00.005+05:30

In India sports and politics are closely knitted. Though it is not a but natural relation. The 'curse' of politics is thrust upon it, as it is the case with most of the institutions, government/non-government, social and cultural bodies in India. But in case of Sports, cancerous presence of politics is causing direct and straight harm. We see until a politician isn't gray haired, he's deprived of important responsibilities. This malicious approach is being adopted in Sports too, causing India's dismal show in almost all major sports events. These grayed uncles can't really take a bold decision. Or even do not wish to do so may be the case also.

I strongly believe that with over a billion population we have enough talent which is having the potential to beat the bests in the battleground. But to dig that cutting edge potential and push it on the battle ground really needs substantial sincerity and honesty. I've been keeping an eye in recent Olympic games where I see whatever we've got to cheer about was solely extraordinary effort of the players.

Be that Mr. Paes who ended a drought of emptiness in 1996, after a prolonged vacuum since 1980, by winning a bronze in Tennis singles event. That was a great contribution of Mr. Paes. Especially with a well known fact that Mr Leander Paes has never been a good player of singles ever as far as world tennis is concerned. This was his great effort and we owe a lot to this fighter. May be we hear that he has won a mixed doubles title of US open with Zimbabwean Clara Black very soon.

Be that Ms Karnam Malleswari who won a Bronze in Sydney Olympics in 2000 in weightlifting event. That was her bravery, IOC or others has nothing to cheer about that. After Sydney Olympics many of us would have thought that now weightlifting will get some attention, but courtesy to our federations, this sport is being forcefully drown. We can see Monica Devi fake dope charge controversy.

Be that Mr. Rajya Bardhan Rathore, who being an army personal was able to tackle all the odds, shot a Silver, a lone Silver that India ever got till date. Shooting was in rounds for very long now. We've had Jaspal Rana, Anjali Bhagwat and many more who were there to hit small targets in smaller events but never got a cutting edge support from the politics driven sports administration.

Abhinav Bindra, Gold hitting Shooter in Beijing 2008, is not an exception as far as sports administration is concerned. But he is an exception with his exceptional personal effort. It is well known that he got that extra killer instinct with the quality exposure he got in trainings abroad after investing loads of money. Other then Mr. Bindra none of the Shooters were there even in Top 8s, 9th being Mr. Gagan Narang in one of his participations.

The feet of Bhiwani's boxing champs and Delhi's Mahabali are also after their own extra efforts. If the boxers were having their dream to bring glory to their boxing cultured families, then Sushil Kumar's target to bring his Guru Satpal's honour back.

The real problem I feel is an unenthusiastic head is leading the agitated blood of youth. Worse is the politics. Monica Devi controversy suggests we shouldn't expect much from London too. Anything can happen as it happened with weightlifting, got a ray of hope in 2000 Olympics with Malleswary and rotten in 2008 with Monica Devi Controversy.

I propose the charge of all sports activities should be given to very young person as young as I am.{No kidding!! I can produce tens of medals in upcoming Olympics :) }. My argument, if over-thinking babus and dirty politicians can't produce a result, why shouldn't a young leader be given a chance. At most he will fail too. We aren't having any better results otherwise too. But I'm more than sure if in case this distent looking possibility at present anyhow becomes true, we'll have a Golden garland of medals around our neck..

Cheers....
N hope I become the head of sports in India much before joining Gray Brigade...... :)

Games are meant for Youth

2008-09-02T23:58:00.000+05:30

It was really nice experience winning bronze medal in Gymnastics. This achievement remains a high point of inspiration for me even today. Now let me take your attention to another incident of similar type but with contrasting fate. I Participated in many activities during Junior High school studies. I completed matriculation from another school and went to yet another school for Senior Secondary Education. This was the time when I got some fondness towards speeches and debates. I was a bit shy initially to take up the challenge to speak in front of many listeners, but the bronze medal glory helped me out to overcome this hiccup. I got the confidence that anything can be initiated at any point of time irrespective of whether you’ve done/experienced it earlier or not. During that one year I participated in N number of debate/speech competitions at school level. I had one a couple of titles there too.
A big occasion came up for me, when I participated in a district level speech competition from my school. There were participants from almost all schools in the district. A fantastic stage to showcase my abilities was there. It turned out to be a tough competition, but I got the edge over others on the basis of my unique style of delivering speech. I got selected to compete on the topic with the bests from all over the country, to be held at Allahabad.
This was yet another big moment for me. I was really eager to step out of my town and see the world for the first time. As it happens with us whenever we see a window we try to visualize beyond that and start dreaming. I am perplexed whether to call this tendency of human being a weakness or strength. Since visualizing attitude of human being must have been a key factor in the development of human civilization up to this date, so it’s strength. But in many cases it seems to be a weak point as in this case.
In contrast to my day dreams there was something else in store for me. I was an Intermediate final year student at that time. The dates of practical exams being conducted by U P Board were around the corner, but no date was fixed, not even a tentative date. I went up to my principal and informed him with my selection for the national meet and requested him to permit me to participate in the same event scheduled to be held at Allahabad few days later.
My hard luck! Mr. Principal refused to provide any favor in case of practical exams if, by chance, conducted during my absence. The risk was big for me. Not appearing in practical meant loss of one academic year.
Mr. Principal did not have courage to support a young student for making his dream come true. We know our system. N number of loopholes are there to crack a possibility for making something happen. But alas! That is never done for noble cause, to make a bold step for a better future but to discourage and demolish constitutional pillars.
Mr. Principal was not bold enough to take a decision to encourage a young guy for a noble cause as Mr. N D Joshi did in the earlier case. Mr. Principal, being an old man, was not as enthusiastic as young leader N D Joshi. Mr. N D Joshi, being one of the youngest in his staff was leading as a headmaster in the school. An agitated blood was instrumental to lead a young team to success. On the other hand tired & old blood in veins of Mr. Principal was not allowing him to take risk even for a legitimate reason.
At last I can say Games are meant for young blood and should be led by youths. Why am I raising these points here today? An obvious question gets raised here. Following Beijing Olympics 2008 I came up with this kind of conclusions. Why do I think so? I’ll explain few points in following post……

A Medal & Its Glory

2008-08-28T00:27:00.003+05:30

Having witness a glorious extravaganza of Olympics 2008 at Beijing and with a record 3 medal tally for India, I am forced to share a very fond memory and experience with you. Hailing their fantastic run at the Olympics, I'd pleased to greet my wishes and congratulations to the Victors of millions of hearts Mr Bindra Abhinav, both Kumars Mr. Vejender and Mr Sushil.

Back to the topic, I have two very contrasting and yet related incidents to share with you. I am sure these are the points worth ponder upon and you'll agree later.

First I'll tell you what exactly a medal matters for a person. I was one of the participants in Junior High school & Primary school region level games being conducted at Almora way back 19995-96. I was participating in Junior High school(class 6th to 8th) level games. A Gymnastics competition in the primary games was about to begin and then my teacher came up to me and offered a strange proposal. He said "There are only three participants in this event overall. You look young enough to participate with primary students. You just have to participate & who knows you go on to grab an medal out of the three in stake." As I was a short fellow right from my childhood. (not an overnight miracle I mean). I refused it(the proposal) first, but due to his persistent pressure, I jumped into the ring. ( I don't know what Gymnasts say that. So beg serious pardon.) I was in an act in which I had never tried my hands on. The task was amazing and tough even though it was for lower level than I was at. I knew a couple of 'Asanas' and picked a couple of actions from there on the spot, from the participants who have performed prior to me. Irony of the situation I did not have proper inner wears. A 'Hanumaan chhap kachcha' in precise was that I had. All odd couldn't stop me because there was a strong encouragement from my teacher and that was enough. I fought & grabbed the third position out of four contenders and eventually won the bronze medal. A very little achievement but notable even today after more than 12 years down the line.

At that time I was shy enough to reveal the bronze medal glory won in primary(lower level) competition. I was showing only the medal which I secured in higher level competition, which was incidentally also a bronze.

But when I recall the incident now, it brings a new lease of freshness in my mind and body. I really admire the encouragement that Mr. N D Joshi instilled in me. He, as a dynamic, young and energetic leader blessed me with a medal on which I boast even today. This is how one gets success and happiness unexpectedly. This is what is the foresightedness of the leader which fetches wonders. I truly owe this article and that bronze medal to Mr. N D Joshi. That Gymnastics bronze medal has been more dear to me than the one which I won in Junior level competition in the same Games.

Another part of the story follows up...... To Be Continued...

Health And Ha Ha Ha

2008-07-26T23:39:00.000+05:30

“Why were not you there seated on the wall today?”
“When?”
“The time when I was returning from the school!”
“hum?? No I was very much there. Instead you...........”
With a light break taken by the bus driver a big break halted a sweet dream. Tchaaa... There was a shout from the front corner. “Is this Sagarpur Stand?” My sleepy eyes got wide open as alerted ears rang the alarm bells. As soon as I heard a harsh voice of “Yes” with suffixes and prefixes, I was out of the bus from my seat at the middle of the bus. A few words from tough showing, harsh speaking but wax hearted kind of Haryanwi TAAU, I look back and fleshed a wide smile showing yellowish teeth (obviously I didn’t clean my teeth till then as I was travelling the whole night and that too in a bus) and out of the bus. Mid November, winters were about to knock the doors of Delhi, time around quarter past 5. Had I not shown that alertness I’d have gone a few stands away and that would have been more than enough for my already exhausted body and sleepy eyes.
Suitcase on left and a big bag on right hand standing at the bus stop I suddenly got stuck by a thought bug J. Very few people around, I was thinking of that small dream and then moving head down then quickly towards right and a grim smile on face, murmuring to self. ‘How big “Makkhi choos” is she, coming so miserly even in dreams.’
Suddenly I realise a passer by is looking at me a bit surprisingly then I thought ‘Oh! What am I doing standing here? Don’t you think there is a room waiting for you, Mohan?’. I thought it would not be wiser to have a rickshaw to go with since it’ll take me there within 10mins and then I’d have been wandering here and there waiting to get the main gate open. I didn’t want to disturb Anil/Deepak either. So I started moving towards ‘tent wala school’. Walking in a constant speed, looking at the path only, I could have been easily misjudged of having taken marijuana dose. But I tell you feeling sleepy is bigger problem than it is when you take marijuana. My take ... Don’t start arguing this.
Even I was walking on foot my speed was good enough to reach at the street where my room was, in no considerable time. Might be it was the freshness of the morning atmosphere or whatever I was there so quickly. But still it was a lot of time left to hit 6:30 by the clock, the time around which the main gate of the building used to be opened. Now!! Head towards adjacent park!
Taking left from there, on the way to nearby park. One grey-haired couple, a fatty-motty aunty, a jogging youngster were co-walkers towards the park. On reaching at the park I saw a bench at a corner and that’s too fully empty, my face wore a mild electrifying light. Though there was hardly anybody at that time who would have keen to occupy even a part of the bench, but you generally don’t see empty benches (anywhere). I threw my suitcase and bag at one corner of the bench and dumped myself on the other. Though morning was so pleasant but it was not even a single bit as good as I was experiencing till day before when I was in my hometown Pithoragarh. Now you can understand my state of mind, a bit home sicken. Took a long breath through nose and ousted it adding some carbon (CO2) adding an “offooh” kind a voice J. In second breath I realised there is something which is not smelling as good as I’d have expected in that fresh morning. Instead stressing much I bent my neck towards my back and tried to relax a bit. Then I saw a young lady jogging there coming towards the bench where I was sitting. As she was just crossing that bench se took her hand up and closed her nose and passed hurriedly around there. I got surprised and sat a bit alerted.
“I am just sitting over here, not shitting!!”
Moving my head in some disappointment, I was totally disagreed with her act. But as my head facing towards right, my eyes just stuck at the right corner of the bench. Few lines got sketched on my forehead, eyebrows shrank, so the eyes, lips got very wide, looking detestably, a “THOOO!!” sound followed by a “GOoooo!!” sound came out of my mouth. Closing eyes I hurriedly grabbed both bag and suitcase and walked away from there quickly.
Around 50 meters away from that position I found another bench, inspected around and then put both suitcase and bag on the bench and sat in a corner of the bench. I took a sigh of relief there. Still more than half hour was there to spent on the park. I was in comfortable position and as soon as you get comfortable position you get complacent. I was already feeling sleepy, I was starting take small naps of sleep there itself. A couple of naps and then I realise somebody laughing. I opened my eyes and saw a young lady, hiding her laugh by putting hand on her mouth as soon as I saw her. Ironically she was coming from the direction of the bench where I was sitting just before.
‘I think she knows the shit controversy. Or what !! Or may be I am looking sleepy and hence a fool. Since people here are taking fresh air walking, jogging, exercising here, except me no one is seated on a bench. Even grey haired TAAUJI’s also around here. And ...‘
As I was thinking this, I felt somebody laughing vigorously again. Looked behind a couple is doing this time I thought. But for obvious reason the sleepiness that captured the eyes suddenly eloped. Now as I got alert I heard a whole bunch of people at some distance laughing loudly. In a mixed mood of surprise and curiosity I got up, without disturbing curious eyes from those people, I slowly picked bag and suitcase and started moving that direction. I started slowly since the sound was not clear. Ears got extra alert, eyes intact at a fixed location, I was moving as if a tiger moves towards its prey. As I was getting closer the voices were becoming clearer and my feet were moving faster.
Around 10 odd veterans standing to form a ring were laughing loudly and that’s too continuously.
‘What special joke one would have cracked? So that these people are laughing continuously. Joke must have been quite exclusive. Let me find out and have a blast with them.’
‘Or they are laughing at somebody? No they are not kids anymore kidding very early in the morning.’
‘Or they are laughing at our generation which is so fully materialistic, preferring closed door gymnasiums over fresh air environment.’
‘Or What...?’
I was in front of them till these thoughts taking rounds in my mind. For my agony, as soon as I reached over there the impact of laugh riot was gone. Grandees were greeting each other as if the meeting was over.
‘Are these politicians, discussing some important issue here? No, this kind of fair politics is impossible nowadays.’
Suspense mounting, I followed one of the veteran, on the way returning to home. Hasitated for a moment and then went onto ask..
“he.. he.. Must have been cracked a great joke? All of you were laughing vigorously there.”
“Ram Ram Beta!”. I got an electric shock. I didn’t even bother to greet the veteran. The greeting from uncle was more of a JHANNATEDAR slap. Anyway he resumed.
“We were not joking. No one comes here for a joke. All of us come here to make our body fit and prepared for the hectic work schedule during the day time. You see grey hairs on my head. But I am as fit as you are, or even more. I have done morning exercise throughout my life. It is give and take policy if you won’t provide healthy air to your body, how long do you think it will support you...”
“But you were laughing....” I suddenly interrupted, thinking the lecture time get prolonged and I have no more patience left especially for lectures as was coming after just completing graduation.
“Yea we were laughing. But that is an exercise.” Stunned to know this. I was thinking blah blah but its an exercise. A thick smile on my face, listening further.
“This exercise beats your stress, keeps you calm and helps you in concentration. “ and that and that and that.
After greeting him a good bye, I headed towards my room. I was thinking how much ignorant we were becoming towards health and our body. As veteran uncle rightly said it is our body which will be with us till the last lap of life. If we won’t care for this, we cant say for sure how long it will function properly. It was 6:35 by now. I opened the gate went upstairs. Anil was still sleeping, Dippu was brushing his teeth.
After greeting and taking a few quick updates about friends, I pulled a sheet and covered myself and slept........
Whole lesson on HEALTH AND HA HA HA.... was nothing.
But now I feel HEALTH AND HA HA HA is more relevant and very important.

A Letter To Dear Reader

2008-07-26T16:27:00.001+05:30

Dear Reader,

As I've promished to move ahead of "Virgin Post", I am here again to bother you with some arrays of word then sentenses and eventually a thought. I really hope to have a very cordial, unprecendentedly noughty and warm relationship with you all. For me my readers are my priceless assets. I'd love to care for that ever. I am going to share with you the emotions, feelings, thoughts, problems and dreams.

I may even pinch you with noughty comments at times, but never at the cost of your love and affection. I may tell you not to read me anymore but only for the shake of saying this. :)

So here we go. I am going to share one of lovely experiences that I 've had. The very next blog is going to be named as "Health and Ha Ha Ha....". I'd not like to detail it here otherwise it'll get started here itself.

:) One question ?

Would you mind to encourage me???? ;)

No!!! then as soon as you go through the posting from me till the last line, below it you'll find a link that will lead you to a text box. Just bubble up whatever you feel... I'd love to gleefully accept.

Sincerely

Mohan Chandra Joshi (MoJo)